Tamsin Read online

  “It all sounds great, thanks, Ian.” I said, buzzing with excitement. I’d worked long and hard for this–a job I was told I would be statistically unlikely to get because people from council houses had poorer grades. I showed them. Nothing was going to ruin the first day of the rest of my career, and ahead of schedule for that matter. My perfect job had come sooner than expected. I only hoped my perfect man was around the corner, too.

  Ian led me around the hotel, visiting the basic rooms up to the deluxe suites and penthouse. The suites were stunning, each with their own unique decor and style. They even had coffee machines. The penthouse had a stunning four-poster bed positioned at the centre of the back wall. Off the corridor, there was a bathroom with a contemporary freestanding bath and two sinks. Opposite, featured a walk in wardrobe, bigger than my front yard. It was luxurious. The spa facilities were nowhere near as bad as the staff made out. It was a huge space with a good-sized pool. There were a few cracked tiles and worn facilities, but I’d seen worse. The hotel just looked well used.

  “New tiles here, two new Jacuzzis and a urban themed sauna and steam room over there,” he lectured as we walked around the spa nestled in the basement.

  “It all sounds great. I’m going to be in here all the time, you know? Well, not when I’m working.”

  “You do get complimentary use of the spa and wellness centre. You even get discounts on rooms,” he said, sounding as excited as I felt after hearing that. Access to the spa and gym, for free! I loved a bargain; Liam knew that. I’d come back with bags of free stuff from the Freshers Fair. Pens, pencils, magnets, vouchers, drinks, even condoms. I’d picked up loads because they were free. I’d never made use of them though. We took the lift back up to the office floor. Glass encased the whole open-plan area. As Ian led me to my desk, each time we passed a room I gazed through the glass pane. I couldn’t help myself. Each door had a name and job title just at eye level, etched in white. My eyes caught Callum's name on a door. I looked in to see him sat at his desk, wearing a navy blue suit, with his white cuffs showing slightly at the sleeve. Just as I was about to pass his office, our eyes met briefly, and he immediately looked down. He looked disappointed. Angry even.

  “And here we are,” Ian said, stopping at the office next door to Callum's.

  Oh god. This can't be happening.

  “A whole room to myself? I honestly don’t mind having one of the desks in the centre, over there?” I tried to avoid being in the room, without sounding ungrateful.

  “Don’t be silly, Tamsin. It's all yours. It even has a coffee machine.” Ian laughed, looking quite pleased with himself.

  “Well, I wouldn’t expect anything less from this place, Ian. If my office didn’t have a coffee machine, I would have taken one from one of the hotel rooms,” I joked as I entered my office, nearly blinded by the light pouring in from the windows spanning the room. Ian loved to laugh.

  “All that’s left is to put your name on the door.” I couldn’t believe it. My dreams were coming true. I sat in my office chair and spun myself around. There was nothing that could ruin this, not even the awkward fact that Callum was on the other side of the plaster board dividing our offices.

  Later that morning, once I had settled into my office and fire safety had been dealt with, Roberta came in to show me how to use the hotel's systems. She was considered an expert at Farden. She’d only been there for a short time, so it was clear she learnt quick. Ian would be the first to admit the hotel would fall apart without her. I knew I was going to get on with her. She had the bubbly sort of personality I was used to surrounding myself with, just like Liam.

  “You are so lucky, you know.” Roberta nudged me, signalling the fact that we were next door to Callum. I blushed. Sleeping with him had complicated things. I just wished I could have watched from afar, admired his tight pants that hugged his junk without all of this mess.

  “You had sex with him, didn’t you?” she said confidently.

  “How do you…?” I gasped.

  I should have denied it.

  “Please, Tamsin. It’s written all over your face. I was speaking to Callum this morning and when I mentioned you he went all awkward and tried to change the subject. He is always so confident, but this morning, not so much. You’ve ruined him.” Roberta laughed but I had a feeling she was being serious.

  There was a knock on the door.

  “Oh, I'm sorry. I’ll come back,” Callum said after noticing Roberta in the room. I looked and smiled to try to make the awkward feeling go away.

  “It's alright, I'm just heading back to my office. See you later, guys.” Roberta said as she walked out of my room. I hadn’t even had the chance to log on to the system.

  Great.

  I had to do something. We looked at each other, both speechless for a while. Callum played with his fingers nervously. Had I really ruined him? A man with such a confident and hard exterior. I couldn’t help but stare at his hands, my mind tracing back to when they were all over my naked body. Even the slightest of his touches made me tremble.

  “Callum.” I plucked up the courage to speak. Saying his name was kind of pathetic, but it was more than he did.

  “T,” Callum said in return.

  Throw me a bone here.

  I tried to force some more words from my mouth to string together a sentence, but it was too awkward. I felt sick to my stomach with regret.

  “I can't stop thinking about the other night…” He finally spoke.

  Thinking about me?

  I remained silent. I just wanted to run into his arms and hold him. I didn’t care about what he was about to say or my stupid decision to leave.

  “I hope you don’t mind me coming in. My mind was going crazy being next door. Why did you leave?”

  Damage control.

  Thoughts ran through my head. If I had been watching myself in a film, I would have yelled at the screen. Any girl in their right mind would have stayed wrapped in his arms; even I knew that.

  “I got scared. We’re colleagues. I'm sorry.” I had to force the words from my dry mouth.

  “Seeing you at the end of my drive…” Callum sighed. “I had such a great night, and it hurt.”

  I had no idea what to do or say. I contemplated cracking open a window and jumping from the twenty-third floor to escape. I'd never had a guy make me feel the way he did. He was hurting because of me.

  “I just need to know, was it just one night? Or do I have another chance to take you out properly?" Callum filled the silence I had left him with.

  “It’s not often I find myself with a guy asking for more than one night. How could I say no? Just give me the time and place, and I'll be there.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  A whole working week had passed. Things were smoother now that Callum and I had patched things up. The dead air between us had turned back into lust, especially on my part. We constantly found reasons to see each other at work, usually meeting about the upcoming spa renovation or computer issues. We had been texting, too, a lot. Mum had even noticed me smiling more frequently, most of the time looking at my phone.

  I could talk to Mum about anything, yet some people found that weird. We were best friends after all. As much as she could sometimes share too much information for my delicate ears to cope with, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. She listened to every worry, no matter how big or small, whether it was when I had my first kiss, broke up with my first boyfriend at school, or even getting my period. Her face lit up when I told her about Callum. She’d always wanted a happily ever after for me. She said that Callum would be my Prince Charming. Heck, even I was hopeful.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket.

  Callum

  19th May 2018

  [10:12]

  Hey T. Strange not seeing you today after seeing you every day in work this week. These weekends are going to kill me. I have an idea, though. Save me by meeting me at The Country Club tonight at 8.30pm. The table's booked under T x


  Hoping helped! I couldn’t help but grin like the Cheshire Cat. A proper date. At a bloody snazzy restaurant.

  “Is that Callum?” Mum knew me so well; she didn’t have to ask.

  “Yep, he's asked me to meet him tonight.” I pulled my mum from the couch where the cushions were moulded into her shape, trying not to hurt her. She had barely left the house at all because I’d been so busy at work, so we headed to the back garden to allow her some of the fresh air she had been missing. She valued her privacy and didn’t want anyone to know she had cancer, so she hid it whenever she could. She’d bought a gazebo and placed it next to the back door, so our neighbours couldn’t look over the garden. She didn’t want sympathy, not even from the old lady next door. She was a proud woman. She had little, but what she had was enough. I hated seeing her like this. Cancer was killing her, chemotherapy was draining the personality out of her, and having no hair was upsetting her more than the cancer itself. She could cope with the pains in her chest and the aches that led her body to collapse. Nothing could fix the emotion she felt when she looked in the mirror. As the weeks passed, the less she wore the wig around the house. She barely had the energy to brush her teeth, never mind put a wig on. I read the text from Callum to her in full, excited to share it with her.

  “He sounds so sexy. If you don’t go and meet him, I will.”

  “Believe me, Mum, I'm going to meet him. I will wrestle you to the ground if you try to take my man,” I said with sass as she put her fists up to try to fight me, using all her energy to hold her hands up limply. The smile on my face faded suddenly as I realised I hadn’t spoken about Mum to Callum. Not one word. When we were at work, we spoke about work, or flirted. Selfishly, I had divided my life. Work was my only norm, because as soon as I arrived back home I had to care for Mum. The only other time I had a short break was when Mum’s cancer nurse came to do a home visit. Her name was Rebecca, and she swept in twice a week like a superhero. She wasn’t just there for mum either; she was there for me, too. I tried to turn down as much support as I could. It was my responsibility to look after her, and there were others with cancer who had nobody. Besides, I could manage. I was managing. I worried that telling Callum would drive him away. It was a lot.

  He needs to know.

  I’d tell him at the restaurant. I had to. Before that, though, it was all about spending some quality time with Mum. I wanted to make the most of our weekend together, as every evening after work I was exhausted and had to do chores. We watched our favourite comedy TV shows and I painted her nails a light shade of purple. That was her favourite colour. I painted my nails, too, choosing a deep red colour to compliment the dress I was going to wear, while she drank her meal replacement.

  My taxi pulled into The Country Club car park. It was a small restaurant, just off a busy road near Crewe and it sat in the countryside, secluded and affluent. The sky was a gorgeous orange as the sun set over a field. The restaurant was already lit up with twinkling fairy lights and flickering candles that made the whole building glow as bright as the sunset. It wasn’t raining, so customers huddled outside around tables. I knew Callum had already arrived as I recognised his personalised number plate. As I passed the groups of people to the front doors, a small group of men wolf whistled in my direction. Immediately, my head shot down towards the concrete steps. I overheard one guy commenting on how 'fit' I was, which made me cringe.

  Must be the alcohol talking.

  I took it as a compliment, although I rarely took compliments well. I’d usually react by arguing and telling the other person they were wrong, or I would blush and get all shy. This time I remained flustered. I looked up to see Callum wearing a navy suit jacket accompanied with a plain white shirt. He sat in a quiet corner of the restaurant with a bottle of champagne already placed on the table. It was like he’d read my mind and knew I loved fizz.

  "You look gorgeous.” He looked me up and down as I stood glancing in the mirror with panic. I was beetroot red from being whistled at.

  "Blushing already? I didn’t know I had that effect on you.” He laughed and I chuckled along nervously.

  “Oh, believe me, you do.” I sat down, trying to hide my embarrassment from the guys just outside the patio door.

  The men continued to comment outside, looking at me occasionally. Callum turned to them, communicating with his eyes only. "This is beautiful. I wasn’t expecting any of this, Cal.”

  “They won’t bother you anymore,” he said confidently.

  “Don’t worry about them. They’ve probably done it to every girl who walked past,” I said as he poured me a glass of champagne.

  “They don’t bother me. They were bothering you, though, I could see. Also, don’t put yourself down like that, T. You are beautiful. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I wanted more.” He grabbed my hand. I didn’t understand how he could be so upset about me leaving, yet seemed unfazed by the rowdy guys outside. Who was I to try to understand the complex state of a man’s brain? I just hoped he meant every word he said because I was falling for him, hard. Even more than I knew.

  Our starters arrived quickly after we ordered them. Salt and pepper calamari for me and baked Camembert for Callum.

  “This is delicious. Want some?” he said, already handing over some bread covered in the gooey cheese. I moaned with pleasure as I took a bite.

  “That’s so hot,” he mumbled as I continued to dig into my food.

  As we waited for our mains, I tried to find the best time to tell him about Mum. It was difficult as we barely stopped talking.

  “To us!” He raised his glass to mine.

  “I need to tell you something, Callum,” I blurted, interrupting his toast.

  “What is it?” He looked concerned and set down his glass in its original place.

  With hesitation, I told him about Mum. About how close we were. I must have rambled and told him our life story to try to avoid telling him about Mum’s cancer. I didn’t want to burden him.

  “And, she has cancer. It’s shit.” The truth finally left my mouth in a casual way, as if it didn’t bother me. But it did. It wasn't often I spoke to anyone about her cancer, like I denied the reality of what the disease was doing to her. As we spoke in more detail, I felt tears filling my eyes.

  Callum grabbed my hand again to comfort me, although this time I felt sadness grow over me, instead of butterflies.

  “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, T. I'm here for you, okay?”

  A huge weight lifted from my shoulders, so heavy it had been pressing on my chest. I’d carried it around for no reason. It didn’t matter after all. I leant back in my chair as I relaxed into the evening.

  “So, tell me about your parents? Your childhood?” I asked. After talking so much, I needed a break, otherwise I would have driven myself insane.

  “My childhood was fine. I had everything I could have ever wanted–a warm home, good friends at school, and crazy parents. One day, you could meet them?” He smiled back and continued to hold my hand, the tip of his thumb grazing against my skin.

  “That would be nice.”

  Our main meals arrived and we tried to eat in between the flowing conversation. Talking to him had become so natural that I could have sat there all night. Once we’d finished, the waiter passed us a list of desserts and cleared the plates. My fingers brushed along the spine of the menu as I gazed down at all of the choices.

  “Don’t do that to me. You’ve been teasing me all evening. You can’t lick your lips like that.”

  “What are you on about?” I looked at him seductively.

  “Are you asking for trouble? Right, we’re going back to mine. We can have dessert there.”

  He quickly paid the bill, and before I knew it, he’d escorted me out of the restaurant, holding onto my hand. The men who had whistled earlier were still sat in the same place outside, more and more intoxicated, but this time remained silent as Callum wrapped his arm around the small of my back.

  “
Get in.”

  The more forceful he became, the more I wanted to disobey him. My body ached with desire, with a need to be close to him. I’d never met a guy who had the ability to make me feel as comfortable and confident as I did in front of them before–well, apart from Liam. In no time at all, we were buckled in and driving towards Callum's house.

  “I need to apologise in advance because when I get you home, I won't be able to control myself.” Until those words left Callum's mouth, I thought the sexual tension between us had peaked. I was wrong. My thoughts flicked back to the last night we’d spent together, as anticipation and confidence oozed from my body. It was like I was a different person, possessed even.

  “Who's to say we need control?”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Light poured in through a gap in the curtains, my eyes burning from the bright light. The pure white bedding was hung over my body, and my hair met the pillowcase in a mess of knots. It wasn’t just the bedding that looked familiar; the whole room left me with regret from the last time I’d been there. Not because of Callum–I couldn’t regret that–but because I’d left. I lay in Callum's bed once more, only this time he wasn’t next to me. I picked up my phone to check the time and responded to the countless texts I had received from Liam with a picture of Callum's room. I then messaged Mum.

  Mum - ICE1

  20th May 2018

  [09:39]

  Hey mum. I’m safe. I’m with Callum. Will be home soon xxx

  I knew she’d worry about me. I then mindlessly scrolled through social media until the door opened. The smell of a cooked English breakfast filled the room before I caught sight of Callum. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt and black boxers that wrapped nicely around his trunk like thighs. He carried in a tray of food and placed it in front of me.