Tamsin Read online

  Aim for the sky, Tamsin, but don’t stop there.

  She always used to say that. It had been my mantra for as long as I could remember. Every day I believed in myself a little more, all because of her faith in me.

  “You should celebrate. I will text Liam to get his arse here.”

  I was shattered. I hadn't even thought about celebrating.

  I should celebrate.

  This was a big deal. They had put their trust in me. I hadn’t even graduated. Hell, I hadn’t even got my grade yet. I was going to celebrate, and I knew Liam wouldn’t let me down.

  “Heyyyyy!” Liam shouted from the hallway and peered around the doorframe. I didn’t need to see to ascertain it was him; his distinct voice gave it away. He had a habit of walking in and making himself comfortable, but he could do literally anything after all he had done for Mum. He had sometimes visited her on his days off from uni, and he went to chemotherapy with her once. He even called her on the phone more than he did me. Liam and I had been best friends since primary school, so mum had known him as long as I had. She would always be on the phone with Diane, his mum, organising birthdays and play dates. His mum had been around every weekend when we were younger, but as time had passed and we’d started to organise our own plans, they’d seen each other less and less.

  “Tell me then?” He knew full well I had got the job. Mum and Liam had clearly been conspiring behind my back, which I secretly loved. With Liam around, Mum was never going to be lonely.

  “I got the job!”

  “Yes, you did!” he said, walking back through to the hallway, and this time peering through with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers, purple calla lilies surrounded by greenery, and a bottle of champagne. My favourites.

  “You deserve this, hun.” He smiled, walked over to my mum and kissed her softly on the cheek.

  “Shut up! They are gorgeous, thank you.” He must have spent a fortune on the flowers, and champagne was never cheap. He knew me far too well. I loved to drink a glass of fizz and pretend to be rich.

  “Staying for a coffee?” I asked Liam, as I snapped a photo of the gifts to put on my social media.

  “Coffee? Are you kidding? Babe, we are going out. Go put on a revealing dress and let's go slut drop on the dance floor.” Mum laughed at his humour. “And between you and me, it's been about a week and a half…”

  “You horny bugger.” My mum laughed with as much energy as she could conjure up. “Try three years, and then I will let you complain!”

  “MUM! Too much information.” In disgust, I stomped upstairs theatrically with Liam cackling behind me.

  Cheesy pop songs filled my bedroom as we made ourselves look pretty, ready for my celebratory night out. A few of the girls from high school were joining us. I hadn’t seen them since Liam had told them about Mum. They were worried, and I would get the occasional message from them, but tonight was my chance to show them I was fine, or at least to pretend I had my shit together. I slipped into a black sequin dress with straps that clung to the sides of my shoulders, and then make up was next. I found myself watching video tutorials in an attempt to have my make up better than Liam’s. He was always getting complimented on his perfectly shaped eyebrows. It took him forever to get them so perfect, though. I guess I wasn’t as committed.

  “Liam, can I use your concealer?” A question I asked all too often.

  He chucked it to me from across the room while fighting with his black skin-tight jeans.

  My phone buzzed and flashed with a text.

  Unknown

  4th May 2018

  [20:14]

  Hey beautiful, congrats on today. It was great meeting you. We should do something together. Speak soon, C.

  A text. From Callum. I blushed and smiled as I read his text. I’d never been called beautiful before, not by a guy anyway. Liam turned to me and grabbed my phone from my hands.

  “HEY! Give it back.” Liam ran to the other side of the room reading the text.

  “Who's C? And why is he calling you beautiful?” Liam said while holding the phone high above his head, knowing he was too tall for me to reach it.

  “It’s Callum. He’s one of my new colleagues and a little bit of a dream. But to answer your second question, I have no idea why he's calling me beautiful. He asked for my number, though. That’s never happened before. You should see him. He looks like he could be a model in an aftershave advert.” If I hadn't told him about Callum, he wouldn’t have dropped it all night.

  “Drop the I’m not pretty act. You know you're fit, babe,” He said hugging me tightly. His arms wrapped around my body and held me tightly in place so I couldn’t move. I then heard clicking. He was texting. On my phone. Woooosh. He’d sent a text.

  [20:17]

  Hey Callum, thanks so much! Meeting you was a pleasure. Off out to Cassie’s in Chester tonight to celebrate. If you find yourself over that way, feel free to join. T.

  My heart sank into my stomach. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I started to chase Liam around my room, playfully hitting him. I wanted to punch him harder, especially for signing the text with a pet name I had somehow acquired over the past few hours.

  “Tams, he might actually come. It might be you getting lucky instead of me.”

  Oh god, what if he does come?

  My once slight panic over a text turned into one massive stress at the reality that he could come. I looked in the mirror at myself and for the first time, I worried about what another man would think when he looked at me. For once, the way I looked mattered because of a guy. I gathered my products to add loose curls to my hair, making it look like an organised mess. I bugged Liam, constantly asking about my outfit, but he just reassured me. He said it was the best I’d looked since my first year of uni. He wasn’t wrong, as that was probably the last time I’d really tried.

  “I can’t believe I’m on a train for the third time today. We could have just gone out in town to avoid this,” I said, fed up of sitting on public transport.

  “You’re joking, right? To celebrate your big shot job? Ridiculous suggestion.”

  “Alright… I guess you’re right. You could have driven us,” I joked with him, knowing full well he wouldn’t give up a night of alcohol.

  “Pft. Right. The girls are getting the next train in. They’ve just messaged saying they’re ready.”

  I looked around the train station, gazing quickly at everyone around us. I didn’t feel overdressed anymore, especially as two girls from Liverpool walked past with their brows penciled on, sporting skimpy crop tops showing too much skin. I was getting old.

  Shortly after, we found ourselves in a small bar. Bird-cages hung from the ceilings and walls with candles placed inside. It was only a short walk from The Rusty Tap, too. As much as I wanted a free drink from Aidan, we had to avoid it. I hadn’t told him about Farden yet. We ordered a bottle of prosecco with two glasses, and sat waiting for the girls to arrive. The prosecco came in a rose gold wine cooler, which Liam liked a little too much and attempted to fit in my handbag. Music played quietly in the background, people’s voices mumbling over it. Everyone huddled together in small groups, like penguins trying to keep warm, while we sat cosy near the bar. We loved to people watch. Our friendship was strong and comfortable. We could sit in silence and it not be the slightest bit awkward. Most of the time, the silences were broken by Liam pointing at cute guys, at which point all kinds of crude comments would spill from his mouth.

  “Liam! Tamsin.” The girls shouted in harmony across the bar to catch our attention. I had known them since the beginning of high school, but Liam and I had latched onto them during drama class. I’d gone along mostly because Liam had dragged me, but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t enjoyed it. They’d all had big personalities, just like Liam, which had helped keep me on my toes. After getting another round of drinks, we all made our way to the dance floor, weaving through the small crowds dotted across the venue. The sound had been cranked up and dance music made sure no
once was left in their seats. Liam pointed to another guy in the crowd behind me and I turned to humour him.

  “Fuck, he’s fit,” Liam said with his jaw practically scraping on the alcohol-sodden floor.

  It was Callum. He walked towards me, dressed in a tight pair of ripped skinny jeans and a long plain white shirt. His wrists were wrapped in accessories, a gold watch on one and a black weaved leather bracelet with a gold band on the other.

  “Hey, T.” His head bowed and lightly pecked my cheek–a bold move for someone I had only spent about an hour with.

  “Well, aren't you going to introduce me?” Callum said with a grin as wide as a wolf about to eat supper.

  “Liam…” Liam eagerly reached out to shake Callum's hand. I went on to introduce the girls to him, too. Courage, in the form of alcohol, filled me, which was a miracle; if I'd been sober I would have been hiding behind something or someone.

  “Thanks for inviting me, T,” he said while grabbing my hand, swarmed by the crowds of people dancing around us.

  Thank Liam.

  Drinks continued to flow, and not once did I have to open my purse. Callum clung to my hand as the night continued, kind of like a child who didn’t want to lose his mum in the supermarket. I had not felt this good about myself for a long time, or felt as though someone sincerely wanted to spend time with me–to get to know me, for me and not for what was covered by my delicates. I suddenly found myself alone with Callum, as Liam and the girls went to smoke. Liam was a social smoker, but he had clearly asked the girls to go outside to give Callum and me space. I knew the game he was playing. Operation Get Tamsin Laid. I played along; I wasn’t against it.

  “As if you had lectures with Paul, too? An absolute legend.” Callum laughed as we both reminisced. Turned out we’d studied similar modules, too. The more we spoke, the more we found we had in common.

  “I know. One of the lectures I actually refused to miss.” I had to shout my response over the music, which left a ringing noise in my ear.

  “Absolutely. Shall we take these drinks some place else?” he shouted back. He didn’t have to ask, and I didn’t have to think about it. I let go of his hand and texted Liam quickly.

  [00:39]

  Me and Callum are heading off. Text me in the morning. Get lucky xoxo

  “Let's go then,” I said confidently, grabbing his hand so he could lead me through the crowds. It felt strange being in a taxi with a guy I hardly knew. We had a lot in common, but our conversations often trailed off into silence, leaving me feeling awkward. His hand rested on mine, his thumb grazing my soft skin. He couldn’t have been any closer to the heart I wore on my sleeve. I knew I had to protect myself, and make this time different from how it usually ended up. I had to call the shots, just like all the other guys had with me. So I decided it would be just one night. No more than that. The taxi pulled up outside a detached new build, just on the outskirts of Nantwich. He had a drive, a garage, and a garden that put mine to shame. I tripped over a decorative rock but managed to steady myself as Callum went to unlock the door. He pushed it open to reveal an open wooden staircase and a chandelier that hung from the ceiling and glistened once he flicked on the light.

  “Well, what do you think?” Callum asked, as sober as anything.

  “It's stunning.” I tried not to slur my words, but I was both drunk and in awe of his place. Some girls growing up dreamt of their perfect weddings, others of having children, but I’d pictured a house like this as my own for a long time. It had started when I was younger, circling things in the Argos catalogue and making my dream home on The Sims.

  “I’ll be right back. Wait here.” With a kiss to my forehead, Callum wandered into the kitchen and returned with a glass of wine. As I took the drink, his other hand met my waist. His eyes sparkled just like the chandelier above.

  How was this happening?

  I couldn’t believe it. I looked down at the white wine and took a sip.

  “You’re a slurper.” He smirked, still with his hand resting there, his thumb slowly grazing my hip.

  “It’s one of my many annoying qualities.” I giggled and put the drink on a wooden side cabinet next to me.

  “I could get used to it. Wait, scratch that. What are your other annoying qualities?” He oozed swag. Of course he would say that. He wanted sex and so did I.

  “Haha,” I said sarcastically.

  His smile widened as his other hand pushed my brown curled hair away from my neck. His touch was sensual, and I felt his warmth throughout my body. His fingers lightly played with the back of my neck and an accidental sigh of pleasure slipped from my mouth. He pulled me closer against his body and kissed my neck, gently pressing his lips from my throat to my collarbone. My body tingled all over. He stopped and looked at me.

  “Don’t stop.” I sighed.

  “Sure you want to do this? We’re going to be working together. Is this going to complicate things?” His hand never left my waist.

  God, yes!

  I couldn’t think about work, not with his presence taking over my body. I wanted to jump on him and not let go. I couldn’t let an opportunity like this go to waste. I wanted him. I needed him.

  “Then let’s agree. Just one night. That’s it.” I stretched onto my tiptoes and allowed our lips to meet. His grip tightened around my waist, and he pushed me against the closed front door.

  “Okay. If that’s what you want. One night it is.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Callum had taken me to another world and back–an imaginary world of pleasure where only he and I had existed or mattered. We’d barely slept and now I was paying for it. I couldn’t help yawning, my mouth begging for another taste of him. I turned over and lay next to him with one hand resting on the centre of his abs. He slept silently but stirred at my every movement. His bronzed skin looked darker with the plain white duvet just above his waist. In the space of a few hours, he had become my drug. A guilty pleasure I wanted more of, but I knew I couldn’t have. I could feel myself being drawn into him more and more the longer I lay next to him. Things like last night didn’t happen to me, especially with guys like him. Who could blame me? I started to feel overwhelmed, and question every decision I’d made. My mind and body clashed in a war of emotion versus logic, and I didn’t know which I wanted to win. My body wanted to climb onto his lap, straddle him again, and feel a pleasure I had longed for. My mind, however, told me to run. All the Dutch courage from the night before had drained from my body, leaving me with pain, panic and complete lust for the man sleeping next to me.

  He’s too good for me anyway. I don’t deserve him.

  I convinced myself he was only going to bring trouble. I had to control the damage or I would be left standing in ruins. My mind won. The next thing I knew, I was leaving his house with my bag clutched in one hand and my phone in the other. I quietly closed the door behind me, tiptoeing in the impractical heels I’d worn the night before. I stood waiting for Liam after texting him frantically to come to my rescue. My hair took a serious beating from the rain, turning my bedhead into a wet, knotted mess. I looked down the street, a sub-urban paradise shrouded by heavy grey clouds. The road looked as if it was a flowing river; cars waded slowly through the water as I dodged the spray from their wheels. Thankfully, Liam arrived at the bottom of Callum’s drive in his red Mini Cooper. It was sparkling, even in the rain. I climbed into the front seat, trying not to tear my black sequin dress, and looked back to Callum’s house as I put my seatbelt on. He stood at his bedroom window, still topless. I locked onto his eyes, which were filled with sadness. His expression shook me to my core, as I’d only ever seen a look like that once before. I wanted to get out and say sorry, but as the thought crossed my mind, Liam accelerated leaving the house to fade into the distance.

  “Are you ignoring me this morning?” Liam said.

  “What?” I asked, still picturing Callum’s face.

  “I’ve been talking to you ever since you got in the car. I asked if you h
ad a good night?”

  “Oh, sorry. I'm still half asleep,” I said, trying to excuse myself. “It was out of this world.”

  “Really? I can imagine to be fair. He’s gorgeous.” He paused briefly. “So I don’t have to imagine anymore… how big?” Liam took his hands off the steering wheel and used them to get an indication of how lucky I had been.

  “That’s for me to know, and you to never find out.” I laughed.

  “Well, that’s rude,” he said in a joking voice. “Right, let's get you home. I think I'm still drunk from last night.”

  What had I done? I’d walked out on the guy of my dreams, and he’d watched me leave. Without saying goodbye. I couldn’t help but allow my mind to wander back, playing scattered images through my mind like a record on repeat. My whole life, I’d made sensible, justified decisions. I was that kid who never got into trouble. Not once. Then I go and do something stupid, now of all times. It was like I’d been waiting to mess up my life. This was something, quite frankly, Liam would do. Countless times he’d fled scenes of pleasure without even catching the other guys' names.

  * * *

  It had been a week since leaving Callum, and I hadn't heard from him. I stepped up to the front of Farden for my first day, dressed to impress with the help of Mum and Liam. My mind was so deep in thought about Callum, I'd gone into autopilot without realising it.

  “Tamsin, great to see you again,” Ian said holding his hand out to reach for mine as I approached him in the hotel reception. “I know you’ve seen a lot of the hotel already, but I’ll start off by giving you another tour and showing you the rooms and facilities. Roberta will be going through some training and the hotel policies and procedures over the next few days, but the priority is getting you settled. Once we’ve finished the tour I’ll show you where you’ll be setting up camp.” He laughed to himself and I joined in awkwardly.